


Of Cannibalism and Zombies

by night_of_the_living_trashcan (orphan_account)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Hell roceit or loceit in equal measure if you squint, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Intrulogical if you squint, Intrusive Thoughts, Kind of graphic but not really?, Sympathetic Creativity | Remus "Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Talk of cannibalism, Talk of zombies, Unsympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-12 23:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20164111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/night_of_the_living_trashcan
Summary: Patton's fed up with Remus's intrusiveness, and Deceit's fed up with Patton. Greatly inspired by @do-you-promise on tumblr.





	Of Cannibalism and Zombies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SpoopyJim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpoopyJim/gifts).

> Every blue moon the spirit of a half-decent author possesses me and I "write." There've been more blue moons than usual lately lol. Shoutout to @do-you-promise/MattyWantsToBattle for helping inspire this.^.^

Now that Thomas knew about both Deceit and Remus, the two began visiting the light side of the Mindscape more and more often. Few were happy with the new arrangement but they put up with it – with  _ them _ – as best they could. Tensions never really lessened, though. 

One day, Remus was the only “visitor” and Patton was the only other Side around. Apparently Deceit was busy, leaving the moral Side to deal with Remus’s intrusiveness. 

“But what if you baked cookies with like human ashes, that’s still cannibalism right? Even though it’s ashes and not actual flesh?” he mused while hanging off the back of the sofa. 

Patton was getting fed up very fast. “Alright, kiddo,” he started patronizingly, “I think that’s enough for today. Either shut up or go bother someone else with you…  _ you _ -ness.”

Remus seemed unable to hear him. “I mean it probably wouldn’t taste good but ash can work like flour right?”

“Remus. Shut up.”

“If you added more sugar I’m sure no one would notice.”

“I said shut up!”

“Or maybe use like blood instead of butter! What’s the purpose of butter in cookies? Eh, we’ll make it work!”

Patton shot to his feet, lips pulled back in a snarl. “I said shut up you idiot!” His hand shot out to- what? Slap Remus? Punch him? Something else? Whatever his intention had been, his wrist was grabbed midair by a furious looking Deceit. Patton would be lying if he said he didn’t pale at the near murderous expression. 

“If you lay a single  _ finger _ on him,” Deceit uttered lowly, “I will personally guarantee you never use your hands ever again. I don’t give a single shit who you are or what the consequences will be. You will fucking regret ever harming him.”

Patton blanched, noticing his scream had summoned the rest of the Sides. They’d seen everything, he could tell from their horrified expressions fixated on  _ him _ instead of Deceit or Remus. 

The lying Side let go of his wrist like it was contaminated and turned to a nervous looking Remus with the most gentle expression Patton had ever seen on his face. “What were you talking about, Rem? I heard cannibalism?”

Remus instantly brightened. “I actually just had a new idea! You know how zombies are all brainless and stupid? Well what if one guy got bit and he’s still like conscious but he’s trapped now in this rotting, maggot-filled body he has very little control over? And he keeps trying to get help – oh! Maybe his partner or sibling is another survivor! – but he keeps getting attacked ‘cause he can’t speak or communicate and he’s just slowly dying and rotting away!”

Patton curled his lip in disgust, but Deceit seemed genuinely interested in Remus’s words. “That would make an incredibly heart-wrenching horror novel.”

“It’s certainly a unique take on the classic zombie myth, similar to to the 2013 film  _ Warm Bodies _ but much more embedded in the horror genre than romance one,” Logan added thoughtfully. Patton whipped his head around to stare at him in bewilderment. Deceit appeared absolutely stunned. 

Remus almost started vibrating with excitement from the positive attention. “That movie had an interesting concept but it was  _ way _ too soft for my tastes,” he agreed with a grin. 

“I honestly thought it was too unrealistic, which says a lot coming from me,” Roman continued with a laugh. “Zombies are rather scary, but I do like the angst you have going on.”

At this point Remus looked ready to cry with joy. Deceit’s gaze on the Prince was both admirable and grateful. Logan actually smiled at the display. Patton, on the other hand, was scowling up a storm. Speaking of storms, he fixed his threatening eyes upon Virgil as the anxious side began to step toward the group as well. He stopped in his tracks, though, and shrunk back. At least one person was still of Patton’s side. 

Until Remus called out, “Virge! What d’ya think?” and everyone turned back to face the last two Sides. 

Sparing a quick glance Patton’s way, Virgil all but rushed towards the others. “I think it’s pretty neat. How does it end?” he asked softly.

Patton didn’t wait to hear the reply before sinking out. If he’d stayed longer, he’d have heard Deceit tell him softly, “Welcome back home, kiddo.”


End file.
